Trust, engagement, and loyalty can’t be hacked into existence.
They don’t emerge from meetings, group chats, or shared experiences on their own.
They’re built in moments where one person feels prioritized—seen without competition, distraction, or hurry.
In a previous edition of The Live Love Weekly, I shared a story about my grandson and his pushback against bedtime—and what became visible when we slowed down enough to pay attention. (Read it here)
What I didn’t explore as deeply was the thing behind the thing.
Not the disruption.
Not the behavior.
But his craving for connection—and what happens when that connection is met one-on-one by someone fully present.
That’s what I want to explore this week.
Because one of the most important—and often overlooked—factors in building healthy, thriving relationships isn’t more time together.
It’s how that time is shared.
I want to talk about the power of one-on-one.
The Power of One-on-One
Most Friday nights, Teresa and I care for three of our grandchildren overnight—the twins and their older brother. It gives Mom and Dad a breather. A quiet night. A bit of margin.
But this week was different.
When we offered to take the kids, they said, “We’re going to keep our oldest. We want to spend some time—just with him.”
“I think that’s what he needs.”
When they dropped off the twins, my 4-year-old grandson came running in, grinning ear to ear:
“Hey Grandpa! I’m not staying here tonight. I’m going out to dinner with Mom and Dad!”
He was electric with excitement.
Because there is something uniquely powerful about being chosen.
About being the one.
The next morning, he and his dad spent the morning together—just the two of them. Playing. Talking. Being.
And here’s the point: Deeply connected relationships—the kind where we are known, served, loved, and celebrated—may begin in small groups, families, teams… but they are almost always formed and strengthened one-on-one.
Why One-on-One Works
As parents, Teresa and I valued one-on-one connections deeply.
When our kids were young, we made it a priority to take each of them on one-on-one dates. As they grew older, even while doing things together as a family, we continued to carve out individual time to hear and be heard.
To listen.
To notice.
To create memories.
When I look at the strongest relationships in my life—my marriage, my closest friendships, the bonds that have lasted—it’s always the same pattern.
They deepened through focused, undistracted, one-on-one moments.
That’s not sentimental.
That’s biological.
Research from sources like the Gottman Institute shows that trust and emotional safety are built through repeated moments of attuned attention—what they call turning toward.
And it’s much easier to turn toward someone fully when there are only two of you in the room.
Neurologically, one-on-one interaction increases:
Oxytocin (bonding and trust)
Vagal tone (emotional regulation)
Psychological safety (the sense that “I matter here”)
In groups, we belong.
One-on-one, we are known.
The Real Constraint
So why don’t we do this more?
Because of a hard truth we don’t like to name: Time is a limited resource.
Which means every meaningful yes requires a meaningful no.
You cannot deepen every relationship equally.
You cannot be fully present with everyone.
So the real practice begins here:
Who do I need to say no to—or less often—to say yes to the relationships that matter most?
That’s not selfish.
That’s wise relational stewardship.
Three Simple Practices
You don’t need grand gestures. You simply need intentionality.
1. Choose “your one” for the week
A child. A partner. A friend. A colleague.
One person. One window of time. Protected.
2. Reduce the noise
Phones away. No multitasking. No agenda to fix or teach.
Just curiosity and presence.
3. Name what you see
One-on-one time is where people feel known when you reflect back what you notice:
“I see how hard you’re trying.”
“I love who you are when you’re relaxed.”
“I notice you light up when…”
That kind of naming shapes identity.
The Quiet Power of Being Chosen
Most people aren’t acting out because they want attention.
They’re acting out because they want connection and don’t know how to ask for it.
One-on-one time says, without words:
You matter.
I choose you.
You are worth my attention.
And sometimes, that’s all the healing that’s needed to begin.
Until next week,
Jonathan Penner | Co-Founder & Executive Director of LifeApp
Resources To Dig Deeper
Book
The Relationship Cure
From the country’s foremost relationship expert, Dr. John M. Gottman, comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. Dr. Gottman reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional connection.” He introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid” and provides remarkably empowering tools to improve how you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others’ bids.
-John Gottman and Joan DeClaire
Video
Small Talk Feels Awkward? Try This Instead
This short clip from the Gottman Institute captures how intimacy is built—or missed—in the smallest moments of everyday life. Through a simple, almost playful exchange, it shows what the Gottmans call bids for connection: tiny invitations for attention like “look at that light” or “what do you think about this?” Love, the video reminds us, isn’t sustained by grand gestures alone but by whether we turn toward these moments with presence and curiosity. A quick “wow,” a shared laugh, or a pause to engage can quietly build trust, closeness, and lasting connection—one ordinary, one-on-one moment at a time.
-John Gottman & Julie Gottman Act out TURNING TOWARD (1:43)
Music
Chosen Family
Chosen Family is a quiet anthem to the power of one-on-one connection—the kind that forms not through biology or proximity, but through choice, attention, and shared presence. The lyrics linger on the intimacy of telling your story and being heard, of someone making time, listening without hurry, and saying, in effect, you’re safe here—put your bags down. What turns strangers into family isn’t similarity or shared history, but the decision to sit with one another, to witness the rivers crossed and mountains scaled, and to rewrite pain together. At its heart, the song names what real connection requires: not crowds or credentials, but the courage to choose and be chosen—one person, one relationship, one moment at a time.
-Rina Sawayama & Elton John (4:46)