The other day, I was grocery shopping with my wife, Teresa, when I turned to her and said, I don't know why, but I'm not looking forward to going away next week. Without missing a beat, she said, That's because I'm your home.
Her words got me thinking. Of course, we have a house—a physical place we call home—but her response resonated with a deeper truth. Home, in its truest sense, isn't just about walls, furniture, or a familiar neighborhood. It's about belonging. It's about being with the people who see you, know you, and love you anyway.
As we continued through the aisles, I found myself asking: Who are the people in my life that I would call “home”? Do they know they are my home? And what am I doing to care for, build, and protect those relationships?
And now I want to ask you the same thing: Who would you call “home”? And do they know they are your “home”? And what are you doing to care for, build, and protect those relationships?
How to Find Your “Home” (Even If You Think You Never Will)
For some people, home is a given. They grow up in the kind of families where people actually enjoy spending the holidays together, where there's laughter and shared meals and someone who picks you up at the airport without acting like they deserve a medal of honour for it.
For others, belonging isn't a given—it's a battle. Maybe you grew up in a place where love came with conditions, or maybe you lost the people who once made you feel safe. Maybe you've told yourself, for too long, that real connection isn't for you.
But here's the truth: home isn't a given—it's something you create, something you protect, and something you keep choosing. It requires attention, effort, and sometimes, the courage to rebuild. But no matter where you've been, or how alone you've felt, it's never too late to begin again.
The First Step? Look For the Ones Who Are Trustworthy
Trust is one of those words we throw around easily, but when it comes to actually building it—brick by brick, moment by moment—it can feel like a mystery. How do we know if someone is trustworthy? And, just as importantly, how do we become people who can be trusted?
Brené Brown's B.R.A.V.I.N.G. framework offers a clear, practical way to break trust down into seven essential elements. It's not just a checklist—it's a conversation starter, a mirror, and a map for navigating the relationships that matter most. Whether you're evaluating a friendship, a work partnership, or even your own trustworthiness, these seven guideposts can help us name what's working, what's broken, and where we need to rebuild.
If you're considering who you can truly trust, here's what to watch for:
Boundaries
Are they respectful of boundaries? Do they understand and respect personal limits? Do they honor your boundaries instead of pushing past them? A trustworthy person doesn't guilt, pressure, or manipulate you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. They make it clear what's okay and what's not—and they respect when you do the same.Reliability
Are they reliable? Do they follow through on their commitments? A trustworthy person does what they say they will do, consistently. They don't make promises they can't keep, and they don't flake out when things get inconvenient. They also know their limits and won't overcommit just to impress or appease others.Accountability
Are they accountable? Do they own their mistakes? Everyone messes up. The difference is that a trustworthy person takes responsibility when they do. They don't blame others, make excuses, or pretend it didn't happen. They acknowledge their role, apologize sincerely, and take steps to make things right.Vault
Are they a vault? Can you trust them with personal information? When you confide in them, does it stay with them? A trustworthy person doesn't gossip or share private details about others. If they talk about other people's secrets, they'll likely talk about yours too. Pay attention.Integrity
Do they live with integrity? Do they choose what's right over what's easy? Trustworthy people don't just say they value honesty, kindness, and courage—they live it. They make hard choices when necessary, even when no one is watching. They don't cut corners, bend the truth, or sacrifice their values for convenience.Nonjudgment
Are they nonjudgmental? Do they make it safe for you to be vulnerable? Can you ask for help without feeling ashamed? Can they do the same with you? Trust grows in spaces where honesty is met with kindness—not criticism or dismissal. A trustworthy person doesn't make you feel small for struggling.Generosity
Are they generous toward others? Do they assume the best in people? When misunderstandings happen, do they jump to conclusions, or do they give others the benefit of the doubt? A trustworthy person doesn't automatically assume bad intentions. They ask questions, clarify, and choose to believe in the good.
We all drop the ball sometimes. We overshare, speak out of turn, or say the wrong thing at the worst moment. So no, you're not looking for perfect people. But you are looking for people who are trustworthy—the ones who show up and do the work, not just the talk.
Trust is like the walls of a house. It doesn't decide what's inside, but without strong walls, there's no real shelter. And if they're flimsy, the first storm can bring the whole thing down.
Brené Brown's B.R.A.V.I.N.G. framework isn't just a checklist—it's a conversation starter, a mirror, and a tool to assess trust. Whether in a friendship, a work partnership, or even within yourself, these seven guideposts help us see what's strong, what's broken, and what needs rebuilding.
Because at the end of the day, a house without real walls isn't a home—it's just a place waiting to fall apart.
Three Action Steps to Identify and Find Your “Home” this Week
Tell Someone They Are Your “Home”
Think about the people who make you feel safe, known, and loved. This week, tell at least one of them. A simple text, note, or conversation can strengthen the bond and remind them of their importance in your life.Practice Small Acts of Trustworthiness
Trust is built in the little moments. This week, focus on one of Brené Brown's BRAVING principles—maybe following through on a commitment (Reliability) or keeping a confidence (Vault). Becoming a trustworthy person strengthens the foundation of your relationships.Become a Home for Others
We all long for relationships that feel like home—safe, steady, and full of trust. But the best way to find those relationships is to become that kind of person, the person we're looking for, is looking for. This week, reflect on whether you are the kind of person you'd want in your closest circle. Do you keep your word? Do you listen without judgment? Do you create safety in your relationships? Pick one way to be more intentional—whether it's following through on a promise, being more present, or offering kindness without expecting anything in return.
Finding Your “Home”
“Home” isn't just found—it's built. It's shaped by trust, presence, and the small, intentional ways we show up for the people who matter most. But finding your “home” is only the beginning. The real challenge is keeping it strong, protecting it from wear and tear, and knowing how to repair the cracks when they inevitably appear.
In Part Two, we'll explore what it takes to maintain and strengthen these relationships over time—because the best homes aren't the ones that never face storms, but the ones built to withstand them.
Until next week,
Jonathan Penner | Founder & Exec Dir. of LifeApp
Resources To Dig Deeper
Book
The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness
In The Good Life, Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz reveal a simple but profound truth: strong relationships are the key to a fulfilling, happy, and healthy life. Drawing on decades of research and deeply personal stories from study participants, they show how meaningful connections—whether with friends, family, or colleagues—shape our well-being more than wealth or success. With warmth and wisdom, this book offers practical insights on how to nurture the relationships that matter most, reminding us that it's never too late to build a life rich in connection.
-Robert Waldinger & Marc Schulz.
Video
The Anatomy of Trust
Brené Brown explores trust using Charles Feltman’s definition: "Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else." She introduces the acronym BRAVING, which defines trust through Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, The Vault (confidentiality), Integrity, Non-judgment, and Generosity. Brown explains that trust is built through consistency, respect, and the ability to be vulnerable without fear of betrayal. She emphasizes that real trust requires mutual accountability, confidentiality, and assuming the best in others while checking in with them.
-Brené Brown (8:41)
Music
This Is Home
Peter Gabriel beautifully echoes the idea—home isn’t a place, but the people who anchor us. The lyrics capture the journey of searching, struggling, and realizing that true belonging isn’t found in a destination, but in the deep connections we share. Just like the relationships we build and protect, home is something we cultivate, hold onto, and return to, even after hardship. In the end, it’s not about where we are—it’s about who we’re with.
-Peter Gabriel (5:04)
Podcast
The Anatomy of Trust
In this talk at UCLA’s Royce Hall for Oprah’s Super Soul Sessions, Brené Brown explores the fundamentals of trust, breaking it down into seven key elements using the acronym BRAVING. She explains that trust isn’t a vague concept but a set of specific behaviors that help us recognize and repair trust when it’s broken. The BRAVING checklist serves as a powerful tool, reminding us that trust—whether in ourselves or others—is both a vulnerable and courageous process.
-Brené Brown, Unlocking Us (36:15)
Learn More About
"The LifeApp 3 Day Retreat got me out of my comfort zone and placed me in an environment where I was able to look at my past, my current situation, and where I want to be in the future. The exercises made me aware of behaviors that are not working for me and need changing.”