So here comes Valentine's Day—our annual tribute to overpriced roses and that vaguely panicked sense that you should be doing something extraordinary. But what if I told you love isn't about grand gestures at all? What if the secret isn't in the chocolate box but in how you show up most days? Hang with me for a second, because this might just change how you think about love forever.
Dr. Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages has been around forever, and sure, at this point, it might feel like the relationship equivalent of an overplayed song. But here's the thing—love languages aren't about teaching others to love you the way you want. They're about learning to love them in a way that truly reaches them. Because nothing says I see you, I know you, you matter, like speaking love in someone's native tongue.
And the real challenge? You have to become multilingual. In our family, love isn't a one-size-fits-all experience—it's a whole symphony of different dialects. My wife and daughter, Tiana, feel most loved when given a thoughtful, heartfelt gift. My son Gabe craves quality time, while Levi soaks up words of affirmation like sunshine. And Josh? For him, love is in the power of a simple backrub.
We each hear love in our own way, and the magic happens when we learn to speak each other's language.
The Science Behind Love Languages
In case you're new to this, Dr. Chapman's five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation: Thoughtful, specific words that build others up—think compliments, gratitude, or encouragement.
Quality Time: Shared, focused moments of togetherness (no multitasking allowed).
Acts of Service: Doing something thoughtful, like picking up their dry cleaning or making them a cup of tea before they even ask.
Physical Touch: Hugs, hand-holding, shoulder squeezes—you get the idea.
Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful, meaningful gifts that say, “I am thinking about you.”
Studies back this up. Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that people who feel understood and appreciated experience deeper satisfaction in their relationships.
Translation: When you learn how someone needs to be loved and you show up that way, you're no longer pouring into a bottomless cup—you're connecting in a way that sticks.
5 Ways to Love Someone Better This Week
You don't need a glittery card or dinner reservation to make someone feel loved. Here's how you can start practicing love languages today:
For the Words of Affirmation People: Write them a note. Not a text. A real, old-fashioned note they can hold in their hands. Tell them why they're amazing—be specific! “You're a great parent” hits differently than “The way you handled that meltdown in the carpool line was inspiring.”
For the Quality Time Folks: Go on a walk together. Phones in pockets, on silent, and full attention on each other. Schedule an “us” date, even if it's just coffee at the kitchen table before the day begins.
For Acts of Service Fans: Take one annoying thing off their plate without being asked. Is their car filthy? Wash it. Are they swamped? Make dinner.
For Those Who Thrive on Physical Touch: Hug them—like, really hug them. Studies have shown that a 20-second hug can significantly reduce stress levels. Hold their hand while you talk, or give a short and gentle back rub when they're stressed.
For the Gift-Lovers: Skip the generic and go for something personal—their favorite snack, a book they've been eyeing, or even a handpicked flower. Add a note about why it reminded you of them.
Closing Thought
This Valentine's Day, ditch the pressure to impress. Instead, focus on learning how to love well. Show up. Speak their language. And let your everyday actions scream, “I care about you.” Because love isn't meant to be a once-a-year thing; it's meant to be a way of life.
Until next week,
Jonathan Penner | Founder & Exec Dir. of LifeApp
Resources To Dig Deeper
Book
5 Love Languages - Updated, The Secret to Love that Lasts
The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman reveals the key to lasting intimacy by teaching you how to give and receive love in meaningful ways, transforming relationships through practical, timeless, and actionable wisdom.
-Gary Chapman
Quiz
What’s Your Love Language?
Discover your love language by taking the quiz! Even better, invite your loved ones to take it too. Understanding their love language can give you valuable insight into how to express love in a way that resonates with them.
Podcast
6 Steps On How To Understand Your Partner’s Love Language & Improve Your Communication Instantly
One of Jay Shetty’s favorite books is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In this podcast, Jay Shetty breaks down his six steps to understanding your partner’s love language and improve your communication now.
-Jay Shetty On Purpose Podcast (0:30:00)
Music
Native Tongue
A powerful call to reclaim love as our true, inherent language. In a world divided by fear and conflict, the song urges us to rise above hatred, rediscover our shared humanity, and let love be the voice that drowns out the darkness.
-Switchfoot (4:38)
Music
The Story of ‘Native Tongue’
When I was a kid, I would spend all of my busboy money at the record store. It was this magical place where the Beatles were trying to sound like Little Richard, and Aretha Franklin would cover Simon & Garfunkel. It felt like a common language that we all shared, no matter where we were from. Fast forward to 2018…
-Jon Forman (1:20)