Let’s start with the truth: forgiveness is hard. Like, climbing-Mount-Everest-without-oxygen hard. And sometimes it feels unfair, like letting someone off the hook when all you really want is for them to step on a Lego barefoot.
But here’s the thing—it’s not about them. Forgiveness is for you. It’s the gentle release that untangles you from the bitterness eating at your joy. And while it won’t make everything magically okay, it might just open the door to a peace you forgot was possible.
So, what would happen if you let yourself try?
Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness
Here's the thing about grudges: they're like letting someone live rent-free in your head, cluttering the space and stealing your peace. Letting go is handing them an eviction notice and taking back your peace.
Studies by Dr. Fred Luskin, the forgiveness guru from Stanford, show that holding onto resentment raises your blood pressure, messes with your immune system, and makes you feel like a grumpy raccoon trapped in an empty garbage can.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is about reclaiming your power and taking back control of that space within your head. It's not about saying, “What you did is okay.” It's about saying, “I'm not going to let this poison me anymore.”
Extending Grace: The Key to Healing Relationships
Here's a secret: the people who hurt you are probably just as messy and flawed as you are—and also in need of grace. I know, it's not easy. But grace doesn't have to start with big, overwhelming acts of forgiveness. It can begin small—by extending understanding or kindness to those you're already in a relationship with.
Grace doesn't guarantee that every relationship will heal; sometimes forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation. But even in the messiness of it, grace creates space for growth, both in others and in yourself. And honestly, isn't that a gift worth giving?
Practical Steps to Cultivate Forgiveness This Week
Forgiveness isn't a lightning bolt moment where you suddenly feel like a saint. It's more like dragging yourself to yoga when you'd rather stay in bed. Here are some ideas to get started:
Identify Your Grievance: Write down one unresolved hurt or grudge you're holding. Be specific about what happened, how it made you feel, and why it continues to bother you. Ask yourself: Is holding onto this pain serving me, or is it draining my energy?
Reframe Your Perspective: Recognize that forgiveness is about reclaiming your peace, not condoning what happened. Reflect on this: What can I learn or take away from this experience that might make me stronger or wiser?
Practice "Positive Intention Setting": Repeat this affirmation each morning: “I choose to release resentment and create space for peace and joy in my life.” Pair this with a brief 5-minute mindfulness exercise—focus on your breath and let go of tension in your body.
Write a Letter You Don't Send: Write a letter to the person who hurt you, expressing your feelings honestly. At the end of the letter, write the words: “I choose to let this go so I can heal.” You can keep the letter or destroy it as a symbolic act of release.
Practice Gratitude: List three things you're grateful for each evening before bed. Gratitude helps shift focus away from pain and onto the good in your life. Bonus: Include a note of gratitude for yourself—acknowledge your courage in taking steps toward forgiveness.
Act Out a Ritual: Burn a letter, say a prayer, or throw rocks into the ocean. Let the act be your release.
Reflection
Forgiveness isn't neat, and it isn't quick. But it's a miracle, even in its messiness. It's how we unclench our fists and let love sneak back in.
Let's talk about forgiveness—the real, messy, glorious kind. What's one hurt you're ready to set down this week? Maybe it's time to give yourself the gift of freedom.
If you're willing, share your story, your struggles, or the one person you're not sure you can forgive. We're in this together and maybe we could offer some advice or words of encouragement.
Until next week,
Jonathan Penner | Founder & Exec Dir. of LifeApp
Resources To Dig Deeper
Book
Forgive For Good
Based on scientific research, this groundbreaking study from the frontiers of psychology and medicine offers startling new insight into the healing powers and medical benefits of forgiveness.
-Dr. Fred Luskin
Podcast
The Forgiving Flow Series
A Five-Part series inviting and helping you forgive whoever it is you need to forgive. In each episode, Rob gives a different way of thinking about forgiveness and how to extend it to others. Episodes 38 to 42.
-The Robcast, Rob Bell
Video
The Risk of Forgiveness and Why It’s Worth It
In this vulnerable and heartfelt talk, writer Sarah Montana takes us through her journey of forgiving her family’s killer. She offers an inside look at what we risk when we choose to forgive, and a hopeful glimpse of the freedom that lies on the other side of grief.
-Sarah Montana (15:53)